Thursday, December 16, 2010

Miss Darcy Kitty

"What ARE you doing, Oliver?" asked my nosy neighbor Bob.

"If you must know, I'm wrapping a gift for Miss Kitty." I retorted. 

 I shouldn't be so snappy with Bob.  He is my friend, after all, but he teases me about being friends with his adopted sister, Miss Kitty. Actually, Miss Kitty's real name is Darcy.  She was named after a famous character named Mr. Darcy in a famous book called Pride and Prejudice by an even more famous writer named Jane Austen.  At first, Bob's human thought Darcy Kitty was a boy so he picked a boy's name from a book in Bob's personal library. As it turns out though, Darcy Kitty, unlike the character in the book, is actually a girl, so sometimes the humans just call her Miss Kitty.

Bob's human brought Miss Kitty home a few years ago on Valentines Day as a playmate for Bob, but Bob doesn't really like spending time with her. Bob calls it a classic case of sibling rivalry.  Whatever that means. 

Darcy Kitty and I get along all right. We both like watching the water skiers on the lake. Still, Darcy has always been rather shy.  I guess anyone would have a hard time coming out of her shell with Bob around, but I was feeling bad for me Miss Kitty. I think she could use more friends.  Chunkier friends.  Friends like me.  So, I used my allowance and went online and bought her that famous book by Jane Austen, the one that has her name in it, so she can have her own copy of it.  Who knows?  Maybe she and Bob will find some common ground and start getting along better.  I can't wait to give it to her for Christmas.  I think she's really going to like it. 

What about you?  Have you ever been so excited to give a gift to someone that you couldn't wait for them to open it and see what you got them?  I'd love to read about it.  Now, if only I could get this tape out of my paws.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

On Poetry

A little bird told me that Miss R.'s students are going to be hosting an International Poetry Potluck on December 15. In preparation, they will be learning to write all sorts of different kinds of poems AND they will memorize a famous poem to recite in front of their parents at their classroom potluck. Talk about your lucky loons (Bob tells me that is an example of alliteration, whatever THAT means.) My neighbor Bob considers himself a jack-of-all-trades.  I don't really know what that means either since his name is Bob, but I do know he is pretty good at poetry.  In fact, at night when our humans are sound asleep in their beds, the cats in our building like to hang out on our decks and converse.  Sometimes, though, we just listen as Bob recites poems.  Some of the poems he recites are from famous writers but others he has written himself.  Last night he taught me this poem.  This one was written by Bob's favorite writer, Anonymous. It's about a cat who owned a human named St. Jerome.  I don't know why the human was called a saint.  Seems to me, we cats are the saints putting up with all their crazy human antics.  Whatever.  Here's the poem. 

St. Jerome's Cat
St. Jerome in his study kept a great big cat,
it's always in his pictures, with its feet upon the mat.
Did he give it milk to drink, in a little dish?
When it came to Friday's, did he give it fish?
If I lost my little cat, I'd be sad without it;
I should ask St. Jerome what to do about it.
I should ask St. Jerome, just because of that,
for he's the only saint I know who kept a kitty cat.

Tell me boys and girls, do you have any favorite poets?  Have you decided which poem you will recite?  Better yet, have you written any poems?  I'd love to read them if you have.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Santy Paws

Ha Ha Ha, Miss R. Very funny. I get it. So, I ate so much at Thanksgiving that I'm as big as Santa Claus. Dressing me up in the suit when I'm helpless and asleep. Very funny. Maybe I should've written, Ho Ho Ho, instead. See? I can be funny, too!

Still, it was a great week. First, all the snow and then all the food, and now? All the decorations! I love seeing all the beautiful lights this time of year, and the tree, and the presents under the tree....especially the presents with my name on them! Oh boy! I can hardly wait to open them! Bob and I made snow angels....well, he says mine looks more like a snow sumo wrestler than an angel, of all the nerve! Miss R and I made pumpkin bread that's supposed to be healthy but it tasted good to me so I'm not so sure about that. She bought me a "special treat" which turned out to be a low calorie cat treat.  Really?  Do I strike you as the kind of cat that counts calories?  I'll stick to the pumpkin break, thank you very much!

So, tell me, boys and girls, What did you do with your snow days?  Did you play in the snow?  I want to read all about your long break.
Posted by Picasa

Sunday, November 21, 2010


I've been watching the weather reports all day and am so excited to see all the reports of snow. Miss R says she loves the way a fresh blanket of snow covers everything in a white robe of cleanliness.  Sheesh!  She likes snow because it's clean?  Give me a break!  I like snow because my neighbor Bob and I make snow angels on our decks.  My angels are always bigger than his...hee....hee....hee. I saw a few flakes gently drifting on a breeze late this afternoon.  I watched them as they touched down on my icy cold deck and I couldn't help but notice how beautifully different each one was.  Amazing. Yet they were all made of the same stuff, frozen water.  It reminded me of what you all wrote about what you learned during multi-cultural week.  You all said that while our differences make us interesting we're all the same in the ways that matter most.  Just like the snowflakes on my deck. I'm curious.  Can you think  of an interesting way that makes you different from your friends?  Can you think of a way that you are the same. 

My neighbor Bob and I are both cats, but we're very different.  He's a vegetarian that loves to read and he does lots of sit ups to keep his physique slim.  Me, not so much, but we both love our humans and we both love being scratched behind the ears and we both like making snow angels on our decks.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Culinary Writers

Wow, the kids in Room 204 sure get to read interesting books. The Witches by Roald Dahl is a favorite story of mine, too. I think the little mice are adorable. I know, cats aren't supposed to like mice; they're supposed to eat them, but eeeeuuuuuwwww......yuck! Why would I want to do that? I especially like Bruno Jenkins. That boy appreciates a fine meal interspersed between lots of fine snacks. I think if Bruno were real instead of a fictional character we would get along really well, whether he were a mouse or a human. Who's your favorite character in the story? Why?

I'm currently rereading a book by one of my favorite authors, Betty Crocker. She writes fascinating,detailed descriptions about my favorite thing in the whole world, food. Miss R. says reading a cookbook doesn't really count as reading, but what does she know? She's a terrible cook! What books are you reading now?

Posted by Oliver

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween

You regular readers of my blog know that this particular holiday, while one of my personal favorites, has always produced a bit of anxiety in my neighbor Bob. The reason, as you may well remember, is that Bob's human insists on dressing up the helpless guy in the most humiliating costumes. Poor Bob. I asked him once why he didn't resist, run away, hide under the bed etc. Anything must be better than the forced indignity of wearing those idiotic costumes. Bob just replied, "Resistance is futile." I have no idea what that means, but it must not be all bad because this year Bob's costume was AWESOME! Check him out. He had me TOTALLY convinced he was the real deal....a tiger living in my building. He even got to go trick-or-treating and brought home a giant bag full of CANDY!!!! He is so lucky. Miss R. never lets me go trick-or-treating. Once when I tried to sneak out the door she said, "Really, Oliver? Do you really think YOU need more CANDY?" Ouch that's hitting in the flabby part of the belly. I mean, does anyone NEED candy? Of course, not. Candy is it's own reward, which is what I told Bob and do you know what he answered me?

"Candy, my weight-challenged friend, is sugar-coated poison that wreaks havoc on one's physique. I let my human have my bag since he seems to enjoy taking insane health risks like that. I prefer my vegetarian diet complete with soybeans and tofu."

Uggghhhh......and Bob calls himself a cat?! So boys and girls, what did you do this Halloween? Did you celebrate the holiday at all? Did you dress up? Did you get candy? Mmmm....candy....

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Claiming Your Spot

Not too long ago, as you may remember, I posted a picture of myself in my new digs i.e. a lovely cardboard box that Miss R. brought home from her shopping expedition at Sam's Club. The box proved the perfect size for a cat of my, ummmm, shall we say, impressive girth? I don't know what it is about us felines that makes boxes seem so inviting. We just can't resist the allure of their straight sides and perpendicular angles. No doubt, they appeal to these mathematically-inclined brains of ours. At any rate, Miss R., sensing my affinity for this new possession, graciously added a squishy cushion for my comfort. She even placed the box in a prominent spot in the living room right next to the television. For weeks, I would sleep no where else. Then because I like to keep things fresh and because I like to keep Miss R. guessing, I began finding other places to sleep; in the closet, under the bed, on top of her running shoes. I knew what would happen next. Miss R. would wait awhile and then when she believed I was no longer interested in the box she would try to remove it to the recycling bin. The day came. I saw her move the box near the front door. Any minute I told myself as she slid open the hall closet door to retrieve her shoes. Just as she finished tying her second shoe I hopped into the box and stretched and yawned and blinked my eyes in her direction. (I know she can't resist that.) "You've got be kidding me!" she said. "For three weeks you've completely ignored that box like it wasn't even here all the while it was taking up precious space in our tiny living room and now you want it again? Seriously?" I heard her sigh as she walked away leaving me in the box. I napped awhile just to show her serious I was and when I knew the box was no longer in danger of being tossed I hopped out of it and wandered over to my food dish. Miss R. sighed again as she picked up the box and moved it away from the front door into her own bedroom where she placed it at the foot of her bed. I'll sleep there again for awhile before I replay this whole scenario.

This brings me to my next lesson in the care and training of your human. Humans like to think they own the place. They like to feel like they are the ones who make decisions and we are here merely to keep them entertained. Perish the thought. They are here to keep our food dishes full, to keep our tummies scratched, and to keep our spots on the couch warm. We are the ones in command. It is imperative that we remind these forgetful humans of that fact. That's why it's important that we periodically mess with their heads. You know what I mean. Wait for you human to get comfy on the couch and then pretend to want to go outside. Meow by the door. Then as soon as your human as gotten up from the couch to open the door for you, walk away and try to take the warm spot on the couch. You can vary this method by begging to sample a bite of whatever it is they're eating then, as soon as they've grown weary of your whining and placed a tidbit of their food on the floor, turn your nose up at it and walk away with your tail up in the air. Your imagination is the only limit you have on coming up with ways to mess with your human's head, but trust me. This is an important element in training your human to be appropriately subservient to you. In the meantime, I'd love to hear from you. What other mess-with-your-head methods can you recommend for our readers? I look forward to your responses.
Posted by Picasa

Friday, September 3, 2010

Oliver the Movie

That's right, boys and girls! Check out the movie event of the decade. Just click on the picture of yours truly. Watch the adventure as the cameras follow me during a day of my life. This is family friendly entertainment at its best.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Born to Run

Nearly every morning for reasons I have never before understood, Miss R. gets up while the rest of the world is still asleep and laces up her shoes to go running. Watching her adjust the setting on her mp3 player before she heads out the door I ask myself why anyone would run just to be running. I mean, as far as I can tell, she isn't running toward food, or away from anything that might be chasing her, like a dog. So, why run? Fast forward to the last day of school. Miss R. came home from her classroom bearing gifts from her students, and one bag was for me! It contained gifts from MO #14! There was a fun catnip ball (mmmm, catnip brings out my inner kitten) and a beautiful peacock feather teaser. Plus, a live catnip plant that Miss R. put on the breakfast bar, but which I am determined to eat just as soon as she leaves the house for any length of time. Anyway, I have been playing nonstop with my new cat toys and even though I don't like to brag, I am sure I have already lost a few inches. My abs are now rock hard. You just can't see them under all the fat. Nonetheless, I think I am beginning to understand why Miss R. would work out just for the fun of it. Thanks MO #14 for helping me to see the light. Now, I just need to nap...that work out left me exhausted.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Spring Break

Don't judge me when I confess to you the following: I'm jealous of all of you students in Room 110. Why am I jealous, you may well ask? I'll tell you. It's because you get a whole week of that wondeful luxury known simply as "Spring Break." That means you get a whole week to "break" from all your labors. Labors is a fancy word that used here means hard work. You get to relax, read a good book, have fun writing your Young Authors Day stories, or just stare out the window and day dream. Well, what about me? When do I get to take a break from all my labors? When do I get to relax and do nothing? You know, I don't like to complain, but my life is not as easy as I make it seem. For example, I spend a lot of anxious hours at night poised, waiting for Miss R. to sleep, before I began meowing for food, water, or to be let out. That kind of waiting is stressful and takes a lot of energy. During the day, I have to interrupt my napping to get up, yes get up, and move across the floor in order to keep up with the sunbeams. That's a lot of moving. Then again, no one brings my food to me. I actually have to walk all the way to the kitchen if I want to eat or drink. That's a lot of work. Far be it from me to complain, but my daily schedule is grueling and I could use a Spring Break from all my labors. (Here "labors" is a word that means I have to actually walk from my napping spot to the kitchen if I want to eat.) So, free me from my life of slavery and share with me what you did or are doing during your lovely break.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

At Long Last

Finally, my great contributions to the world in general, and to felines in particular have been duly recognized, as they should be, with a statue of yours truly. Indeed, like the ancient greek heroes, I have been memorialized in stone (OK, ceramic, but that's practically the same thing) by a truly gifted artist. AC #5, in Miss R.'s class created this likeness of me and as you can see, he has done a masterful job of capturing my handsomeness. My neighbor Bob says handsomeness isn't even a word, but what does he know? It's not like anyone created a statue of him! Hah!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Happy New Year????

Can you believe that New Year's Day is my neighbor Bob's favorite holiday? Unbelievable! I mean, as far as I understand, there is no food at all involved in the celebration of this holiday. In fact, this holiday always has the exact opposite effect on my human, Miss R. For reasons I fail to understand, this is the time of year when she completely purges her cupboards of all the deliciously fattening baked goods and candy that have been gathering there since Halloween and replaces them with..............vegetables! Vegetables? Really?! What is the point of that?! What's worse? Every January 1, she renews her efforts to "help" me "realize my fitness goals." What can she be thinking? This year in her misguided efforts, she replaced my huge, sturdy food dishes with a teeny tiny one that barely has any room for all the food required to nourish a big boy like me. Supposedly, the smaller dish will trick me into thinking I'm eating more than the mere pittance she is allowing me. Seriously, all her dieting seems to have shrunken her brain cells! I'd write more about all the reasons I can't stand this time of year, but my energy has completely dwindled away due to lack of proper nourishment. Somebody please, FEED ME!