April 16, 2009

April 17, 2009

Dear Kids,

Did you all enjoy your spring breaks? What did you all do? I admit it was nice having Miss R. around for a few extra days. I rather like having a slave.....er....I mean, a servant at my beck and call. Lately, she has really gotten rusty, and by rusty I really mean lazy.

Take this morning for example. Miss R. usually gets up before 5AM so she can squeeze in some time on the treadmill. I don't mind giving her a little treadmill time as long as she remembers to feed me first! Well, this morning, Miss R. decided to sleep in while I nearly starved to death next to my half-empty food dish. I figured she might need some help waking up, so I ever so generously began to meow. Do you know how that lazy girl responded? She growled, yes growled, at me. "Oliver, knock it off. There's plenty of food in your dish. Eat what you've got or wait until I get up." The nerve! I needed to remind her who was boss. I started shoving my food dish across the kitchen floor making sure to hit all the walls and the garbage can, making as much noise as possible. "OOOOOLLLLLIIIIIVVVVVEEEEER!!!" screamed Miss R. Well, that got her attention.

"Meow," I gently replied. I listened for the pitter patter of human feet moving towards the cat food. Instead I heard........SNORING?!?!?!?!?!?!? How dare she go back to sleep. It was time to teach the teacher a lesson. I was going to take Miss R. to school. I walked over to the welcome mat near the front door and I did what any wise cat would do in my position. I pooped. Then I waited for Miss R. to smell my anger and come running out of her room. Hah! It worked. "OOOOLLLLIIIVVVVVEERR!!!!!" she bellowed. Well, at least now I was getting the recognition I deserved. As she rounded the corner and came storming into the front entry way, I sensed perhaps a little anger on her part. OK. I sensed a lot of anger. Time to hightail it out of there. Like a fat, orange bullet, I shot pasther into her room and out the pet door. I waited until I was sure she had cleaned up the stinky remains of my indignation before I sauntered back into the kitchen. I looked at her face to see if she was still angry. Hhhhmmmm. She wasn't happy. That was for sure. I tried a pitiful, little, "Mieeuuuw?"

"Fine," she grumbled as she mixed my Fancy Feast in with dry cat food. Finally! I quickly gobbled my morning feast. Miss R. went back to bed and was sleeping in no time flat. I waited until I was sure she was completely out and then jumped onto her face to let her know how much I appreciated her slave labour....er.....I mean.....work.

Hmmmm......as you can no doubt tell by this morning's disappointing mealtime, Miss R. needs a lot more training if she's going to be any use as my slave....er....servant....er.....human. Wait until summer vacation. I'll whip her into shape then.

Love,

Oliver