Every four, or in some cases, eight years, Americans watch as a newly elected President is sworn into office. It's an exciting time as people wonder, "What will the next four years bring?" Alas, for me, this new leadership brings no such hope. You see, I voted for a candidate whose name was unfairly kept off the ballots. That's right. I voted for a true American hero, Garfield the cat. You see, unlike the more traditional HUMAN candidates, Garfield offered real hope to those of us who are decidedly more feline in our politics. Garfield understood that truly great leaders nap for at least 16 hours a day. When they're not napping, great leaders are eating because food is that important. Finally, Garfield has never been afraid to turn to available resources, and by available resources I mean television, for wisdom in making important decisions. And now, if you'll excuse me, I think I will go drown my sorrows in a gallon of ice cream!
Dear Kids, You're so lucky you get to read such great books. I really enjoy Roahld Dahl. Matilda is great, but Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is one of my favorites. Imagine, a book dedicated to chocolate! Does reading get any better? I admit Mr. Wonka seems a bit strange, but you know what they say! "A genius is never appreciated in his or her own time." I think that's why no one has yet built a statue of me. I must be such a genius that I am not appreciated at all.
At least, I can still wish YOU a happy 2009. I fear the new year will hold no such joy for me. You see, Dear Readers, my human Miss R. has done something horrible. I know. It's hard to believe. She seems so nice. Yet, last night while she was thinking of New Year Resolutions she said a very bad word. A naughty word. A word I hoped never to hear. That's right, my Human Kittens. Miss R. said...." Diet!" And she wasn't just talking about herself. No, indeed. Miss R. is putting me....me...ME....beautiful, fluffy me... on a diet! Oh, the horrors! It's simply unimaginable! Nonetheless, I have evidence....proof solid....of this wretched crime! I found the diet cat food in the cupboard. She's been secretly mixing it with my Christmas Fancy Feast for a week, hoping I wouldn't notice and that I would become accostumed to the taste when she completed the switch. Sooo devious. I'm seriously thinking about going on a hunger strike until Miss R relents and goes back to my regular food. Yes, that's it. A hunger strike. Right after lunch. Mmmmmm....lunch.....mmmmm....Fancy Feast.