"Soooooo............how did it go?" asked Vinnie, Bob, Miss Kitty, and Othello the moment I came home from my school day adventure. They were waiting for me out on their respective decks as I knew they would be.
"Piece of cake," I replied nonchalently. OK...between you, gentle reader, and me, it wasn't exactly a piece of cake, but I do like me some cake now and then. I digress. Today, I'm afraid I got a little.......anxious. Ever since Miss R. told me I would be visiting the boys and girls this morning, I've been too excited even to eat! Visiting the boys and girls in Miss R.'s class is such a big deal. Miss R. even bought a stylish new carrying case for me. It's black which I understand is very slimming. The ride to school this morning was filled with anticipation. As Miss R. carried me through the halls, I felt my pulse quickening. Then we rounded the corner into her wing and I heard the crowds (and by crowds I mean the kids in the third grade wing) screaming my name and I panicked. So much pressure. Miss R. let me into the room before the students came in so I had a chance to explore, but I could see all the faces of the human kittens pressed against the glass of the door and I got the worst case of stage fright, ever. I tried to make a beeline for the hallway when the door at last opened, but Miss R. was too quick. She scooped me up before I could make get-a-way. Once the kids came in and settled in I began to relax, but I didn't feel completely calm again until Miss R. returned me to my slimming carrying case. Miss Lisa picked me up to take me home and I was sad to say good-bye to my friends. Anyway, here are the pics I showed Vinnie and the gang of my adventure. Boys and Girls, my favorite part of the day was meeting you! What was your favorite part of your Hundred Star Party day?
"All right, Oliver. I pinkie swear promise not to laugh," said Bob but under his breath he added as if cats even have pinkies. I ignored that. "Tell me again why your tummy and, um, your rear are shaved smoother than a baby's bald head?"
"Well, there are quite a few reasons one would have to shave one's belly, " I retorted somewhat miffed.
"Really? Name one."
Drat! He called my bluff. "Well, to begin with, it's a fashion statement, very trendy. I predict cats everywhere will soon be shaving their bellies and their bottoms." I returned.
"Indeed," murmured Bob. Sometimes he can be so smug!
"Also..." I paused, "...the vet needed to shave my belly so the radiologist could perform an ultrasound to determine what was wrong with me. I was very sick." I tried my best to look pathetic. It must've worked because Bob's expression grew softer.
"I am glad to see you back to your old self, friend. You know, I was pretty worried about you."
"Thanks, Pal. I am better. The people at the Sunset Pet Hospital were really nice and they helped me to feel a lot better."
"I told you there was nothing to worry about. Vets help animals." Bob smiled again and added, "So, what was wrong? Did you ever find out?"
"Ummm.....yeah....it was....." I hesitated. It was kind of embarrassing. That's what it was. "I was...ummm....that is to say.....Iwasconstipated." The last part came out in a rush, like it was one long word.
"Constipated? Did I hear that right?" Bob tried to hide a smirk but I could see it playing about his whiskers.
"You promised you wouldn't laugh," I reminded him. "You promised."
"I'm not laughing. I'm ummmm......coughing....that's right....I'm coughing."
Coughing? I don't think so! I guess I can't blame him for laughing, though. I do look pretty silly all bald in places. I have no one to blame but myself. Maybe it really is time to start....uggghhh....I can barely say it.....dieting. It wouldn't hurt to start eating a healthier diet, lose a few. I don't know where to start. Boys and girls, I need some healthy yet delicious recipes to help me get through this ordeal. What's your favorite healthy recipe? I need your tips. I can't handle any more constipation jokes at my expense!