"All right, Oliver. I pinkie swear promise not to laugh," said Bob but under his breath he added as if cats even have pinkies. I ignored that. "Tell me again why your tummy and, um, your rear are shaved smoother than a baby's bald head?"
"Well, there are quite a few reasons one would have to shave one's belly, " I retorted somewhat miffed.
"Really? Name one."
Drat! He called my bluff. "Well, to begin with, it's a fashion statement, very trendy. I predict cats everywhere will soon be shaving their bellies and their bottoms." I returned.
"Indeed," murmured Bob. Sometimes he can be so smug!
"Also..." I paused, "...the vet needed to shave my belly so the radiologist could perform an ultrasound to determine what was wrong with me. I was very sick." I tried my best to look pathetic. It must've worked because Bob's expression grew softer.
"I am glad to see you back to your old self, friend. You know, I was pretty worried about you."
"Thanks, Pal. I am better. The people at the Sunset Pet Hospital were really nice and they helped me to feel a lot better."
"I told you there was nothing to worry about. Vets help animals." Bob smiled again and added, "So, what was wrong? Did you ever find out?"
"Ummm.....yeah....it was....." I hesitated. It was kind of embarrassing. That's what it was. "I was...ummm....that is to say.....Iwasconstipated." The last part came out in a rush, like it was one long word.
"Constipated? Did I hear that right?" Bob tried to hide a smirk but I could see it playing about his whiskers.
"You promised you wouldn't laugh," I reminded him. "You promised."
"I'm not laughing. I'm ummmm......coughing....that's right....I'm coughing."
Coughing? I don't think so! I guess I can't blame him for laughing, though. I do look pretty silly all bald in places. I have no one to blame but myself. Maybe it really is time to start....uggghhh....I can barely say it.....dieting. It wouldn't hurt to start eating a healthier diet, lose a few. I don't know where to start. Boys and girls, I need some healthy yet delicious recipes to help me get through this ordeal. What's your favorite healthy recipe? I need your tips. I can't handle any more constipation jokes at my expense!